Being in this in between time in life right now hasn't been the easiest on me or my family. It's been easy to get down and think we've messed up our lives. Yesterday & today have been especially hard... just this morning I said I wanted to quit ministry and just be "normal" again... you know, normal people who work normal jobs and do normal things and go to church and Bible studies but don't do the leading... :) ...and then I picked up this book and started reading... the pages I mentioned were just what I needed to hear for encouragement and to help in refocusing and in reminding myself of why we started down this path in the first place. On page 72, she talks about Jesus calling disciples to leave it all and follow... and they did. Once they made that decision to follow Jesus their lives were forever changed... and they never went back to "normal".... how funny she would use that word! As I read, my heart was stirred and I remembered why we said yes!! Because it's Jesus and I love him! And you know, I choose to keep following. And if that means continuing in full time ministry, then I'll do that too. Whatever he calls me to, I will do.
Now though, I have to remember that when things get hard (and they do) and when people I thought were on my side let me down (and they have and they will), I remember that Jesus went through worse. Betrayed by Judas, "framed by the Pharisees, put to death by the Romans" (ch.5)... he has been there. He understands my hurt and anger. But I can choose to respond like he did and forgive. He rose again! He conquered sin and death. He is triumphant! And through his mighty spirit in me, I too can rise again up above this pit that I've been wallowing in and forgive and move on from mistakes made (because we all make them) having learned from them! And then his peace and joy will be mine. I too can be triumphant! Yes!
During times like I've had these past couple of days, I try to hide my feelings from my kids... I don't want to make it harder on them, but they know... because I'm an open book. :) So I figure, why not go ahead and be real with them? This is the perfect opportunity to talk to them about not only the cost of following Jesus, but the joy of following him. We can talk about having an eternal perspective rather than a temporal one- you know, having things the way we want it. But maybe God has a better plan...? Of course he does!! So we'll just hang on and keep following him. I'm sure he's worth the cost!
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